Conference makes me think...

My brain just can't help it. After I hear the words of these men of God, I think. I think of what I'm doing in my life that is in accordance to God's plan for me. I think about the good I've done, and the choices I've made in the past 6 months that were made correctly. For example, the decision to get married to Craig Knight. Everyday I think, "Is this too good to be true?" He is so perfect for me-just what I need. He keeps me happy, and does a terrific job of it might I add. How blessed the day will be when we get to go into this castle of a building and be sealed for all time.
Along with the reminders of the good I'm doing, I am put in check by the words of the prophets. I am not perfect. No one is. Except for Him:
It is difficult to me to hear about the importance of family (what I felt was the theme for this conference). I try so hard to tell myself that my family loves me. My parents raised me well. They worked very hard to keep my brother and I safe. I am ever so grateful for that, but when I think of how things used to be and how they are now, I get tears in my eyes. It isn't that they aren't living the gospel-they can choose whatever path they wish. They have their own agency. It is the feeling of love-that everlasting love that was spoken about by almost every speaker this conference-that is missing. I miss that so much. When I think about my wedding, I honestly am so torn. I'm so excited and happy I get to marry Craig, but I'm so sad my family doesn't care about it. (Or at least my immediate family.) I hope with all of me that my dad will be there. I hope my mom will be willing to stay for the reception. I worry everyday about it. I just want to share my joy and love with them, the people who shaped who I am. The very people who brought me to existence! I never had the picture perfect family, and I guess I long for it.
As I think of the fact that family is so far from me, I can't help but to think about what the future holds. I am going into the covenant of marriage-the very essential part of a family. I think about my chance to have a family-the family I've always wanted. Now, I understand each family has their quirks and imperfections. I don't imagine a "stepford house" type of family. I could never expect that. I do expect happiness, joy, teasing, love, laughter, sincerity, and peace. Peace in my heart and peace in the home. Home....I haven't felt that in such a long time. What is home to you? I can't wait to start my family. I can't wait to have a home. I have such a great hope for this.

"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed."

(The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

I can't wait to have my beautiful, blue-eyed babies. They will be so precious, and I just know I won't love anything more than them. I can't wait to marry Craig. He is everything I could ever hope for in a husband. He loves me. He cherishes our relationship. He holds the priesthood with respect and love.

We just need to have hope. Everything will fall into place with hope in our hearts.